Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Old Letters

I was cleaning a bit earlier when I noticed a stack of envelopes in my desk that were addressed to me. I remembered putting it there last week while I was looking for my bank statement.

They were letters from my ex- girlfriends (& flings LOL) that I have kept dating back as far as the mid 1990's. I had 4 serious relationships which started when I was in my early teens.

After reading the letters (of my 1st girlfriend only & I don't know why hehehe), I cant help but wonder how different my life will be now if I agreed to marry her (let's call her L) when she first proposed to me years back. You see I was crazy in love with her for 5 years before she broke my heart. 

I first saw L when I was in Grade 6. It was the first day of school & as cliche as it may sound my world stopped upon seeing her walking down the hall. It's like there was a spot light hanging over her head & she was the only person that I was seeing at that time. 

I was truly mesmerized by her beauty & grace. It was the strangest feeling ever & up to now I still can't explain it.

Naturally I courted L & we were together for the most part of our highschool days.
She easily gets jealous which is so cute :) so there were cool off periods but not more than 3 days. We finally split up (not my decision) before going to College knowing how busy we (meaning she) will be.

One night out of the blue (about 2 years after we broke up) I received a call from her telling me how much she still loves me & wants us to get married right away. I gently turned her down because at that time we were still both in school, plus I already had a girlfriend while she's committed to someone else, & I wasn't sure anymore if I was still in love with her like she was to me.

About 5 years ago I found out that she got pregnant by her 2nd boyfriend (I was her first) & until now I still have a mixed feeling about it but definitely there were no regrets on my part over the decision that I made. 

I guess it just wasn't meant to be. 

As long as she's happy then I will be too for her.

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